Friends can be fickle sometimes, in which case they may either betray
you or simply drop you. Or, you may find it hard to make friends
because you're new to an area or you've just not found it easy to
connect with others for one reason or other.
Not having friends is hard and can leave you feeling lonely, down
and even depressed. Being social creatures, we all need others we can
rely upon, people we can share stories with and unload our worries onto
from time to time. Helping yourself to transition past not having
friends is akin to a journey––one in which you need to be very gentle
with yourself.
Remember that this situation is temporary. All things
pass, and so too does the state of not having friends. Whatever the
reasons are for not having them right now, you can tell yourself that
this is only a temporary hitch in your life. It is probable that this is
a time in your life where you need to have some time alone to realize
what you're capable of; to realize what it means to have a true friend,
in place of people who simply come and go in your life.
- Keep your feelings in a journal. Writing them out can help you to
work out what is causing you to feel sad or afraid about the lack of
friends in your life and will also help you with clues about what to do
to improve your situation. Letting the thoughts continue to swirl around
your head unformed can be unhelpful and confusing––writing will help
you to sort it all through.
Find things to do. It is important to focus on doing
something that can keep you happy and energized in spite of the lack of
friendships. This might be a hobby, volunteering, studying or learning
new knowledge, learning a new language, taking up computer programming
for fun, gardening, cooking or baking, playing guitar, and so on. Choose
pastimes and interests that you can really get involved in.
Choose some activities that guarantee you'll come into contact with other people.
If you don't have friends, you won't find them at home. Getting out and
about is essential to finding new friends and people with similar
interests to yours. Take up a sport, hobby, night class or join a club,
group or volunteer organization where you can meet other people. It can
be helpful to choose some activities that don't involve the same people
you see each day at school, work, etc., as this will broaden the people
you come into contact with, thereby increasing your chances of finding
people with whom you really click.
Be friendly. No matter where you are or what you're
doing, be friendly to others at all times. Be civil. Always have a smile
at the ready, be ready to nod as you pass by people and greet people
when you see them. If you don't feel up to conversing with others, at
least say hello and ask how people are. Simply being polite and friendly
will cause people to be attracted to you.
- You may be very shy. Use your smile as a shield, to suggest that
you're approachable even though you're shy. You don't have to say a lot
to people; just show interest in them. "Hi, I'm Mary, what's your name?"
is an easy way to start a conversation.
- Complimenting people on their clothing or hairstyle (but only if you
mean it) is also a great way to show people that you're interested in
talking to them.
Travel: If you find yourself visiting other places,
remember that traveling involves meeting new people, so be open to find
and enjoy whatever piques your interest; you just might end up with a friend. As long as you are friendly and polite, being a tourist isn't
so different from who you are at "home". Just be yourself. If you do
meet someone who is innately friendly with you, don't be afraid to ask
people for email contact addresses and Skype names so that you can stay
in touch long distance.
Go online. Make friends in cyberspace. If you're able
to connect with people who have the same interests and sense of humor
as you, this can be a fantastic way to make friends. You may even get to
meet up some day.
Hang out with your siblings. Yes, sometimes they can
be annoying, but put any differences and fights behind you because you
have to put up with your family until the day you die. It's easier and
better to be friends than fighting siblings.
Don't be ashamed. Don't see this as a big issue,
friendships cannot be forced and if another person decides they don't
want to be your friend, that's their choice and is not a reflection on
your self-worth. As time goes on, you'll realize that having a few very
solid good friends is always worth a great deal more than lots of
shallow ones who drop you the instant you cease to serve their purposes.
Be strong and look for the people who really matter; indeed, bad
situations are often the best test of who will really stand by you, so
always look for such people.